Wondering Why You're Still Single? Your Subconscious Might Be Getting in the Way

Updated 01/10/19
Subconcious Thinking Can Harm Your Dating Life
@eleanorpendleton

Truth: The dating game can be complicated. But for those of you who are single and feel like you have a history of ruining your own relationships, expert Melanie Schilling tells Huffington Post Australia, that this could be because you’re subconsciously self-sabotaging your chances. And while we don’t deny that you’ve got a plethora of justified dating-horror stories, Schilling believes that for some, the need to blame external factors all the time actually reflects personal fear.

"Most people play a significant role in keeping themselves single. It's common to blame external factors—for example, 'it's too cold, I'll start dating after winter' or 'there's a man drought'—and at the core of most self-sabotage is fear." Schilling dubs this type of emotion as "dating resistance" and draws a clear line between being realistically skeptical and actually undermining your own happiness.

Keep scrolling for Schilling’s three thought patterns that she believes can impact negatively on the way we approach dating.

SELF BELIEF

"I don't deserve happiness, I'm useless at relationships, I'll only mess it up, I'm better off single."

BELIEFS ABOUT OTHERS

"All men and women cheat, they will break my heart, they always leave eventually." 

BELIEFS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

 "What if something better comes along? A relationship will stunt my independence, I don't have time for a relationship."

Schilling also believes that holding some or all of these beliefs has the potential to restrict your "date readiness" and suggests self-compassion and self-awareness as the first steps to developing positive thought patterns.

Here's where you can learn more about love:

The Course of Love by Alain de Botton $14
Shop
Relationship Breakthrough by Chloe Madanes $27
Shop
Want more relationship tips? Follow us on Pinterest.

Related Stories