So you’ve met someone. And things seem to be going well. You’ve had a couple of dates, and this other person seems to think you’re pretty cool. You haven’t managed to scare them away yet, and you find them to be wonderfully intriguing. You’re slowly revealing your quirks, and somehow they seem to find the strange things you do endearing. For the first time in a while, you may be happy with where things are headed, but in the back of your mind, you’re dreading the chance of another situation where it didn’t work out.
We chatted with matchmaker Cristina Pineda about early relationship mistakes to keep your eye out for. While some mistakes can be easily avoided, Pineda warned against red flags—when someone repeats the behavior over and over again, something she refers to as "fluke or flaw."
Meet the Expert
Cristina Pineda is a celebrity matchmaker at Matchmakers in the City.
"If they do it once, it could be a fluke, however repeatedly means that it's a flaw, a red flag, and extremely hard to change," she says. "It's totally fine to bring up something that bothers you, sometimes the person just needs to hear the critique, and they will change. However, if they refuse to change, you can either live with it or move on."
To keep your new relationship going in a healthy direction, read on for the early relationship mistakes Pineda often sees as a matchmaker, so you can watch out for them, too.
Rushing Into a Relationship
Slow and steady is the name of the game. "I've heard too many stories of people rushing into a relationship without taking the proper amount of time (three months) to get to know each other," Pineda says. "What we've seen at Matchmakers in the City is quick in, quick out."
Before you jump in bed together, consider waiting just a little bit longer. "We recommend waiting until an exclusive relationship at the minimum for intimacy," Pineda says. "Relationships are complicated enough without adding the intense bonding hormones that are released during intimacy."
Showering the Person With Gifts
Save gifts for special occasions or holidays in the beginning of a relationship. "You might be so excited about the relationship, but make sure that the gifts correspond with the level of relationship that you're in," Pineda says. "You don't want the person to be with you for the wrong reasons."
Cooking and Cleaning for the Other Person
Consider having your date nights at a restaurant for the first few weeks. "Wait to act as a husband or wife until you have that title and commitment," Pineda says. "Especially if you're a "giver," this will be hard for you, but it's important to let the relationship progress naturally."