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Finding the emotional strength to move on from a toxic relationship is challenging, even for the most highly confident people. We get it. Being vulnerable and opening your heart up to embrace love and intimacy again after you've been hurt is really scary, especially if you're a romantic introvert. Breaking up is painful, and it can take time for our body, heart, and soul to forgive and forget. But how do you flip the pain switch off so you can give yourself to someone else with the same carefree and spirited abandon you once had?
According to a holistic health practitioner, energy healer, medical intuitive, and Maty's Healthy Products founder Carolyn Harrington, the first step is forgiveness, for yourself and for anyone who ever hurt you. That sounds easier said than done, but Harrington assures us it's the only way to get past negative emotional blocks and to attract love into your life.
Ahead, she shares some tips and insights to improve your "emotional fluency," to help you start thinking positively, and to heal yourself so you can be open to new relationships.
Meet the Expert
Carolyn Harrington is a Holistic Health Practitioner, an alternative medicine intuitive energy healer, and the founder of Maty's Healthy Products. She works with her clients to uncover the mysteries of their health conditions, and to heal a little bit each day.
When we approach a new relationship, it's often our past that impacts our ability to trust and fall in love again. We tend to hang onto these negative emotional blocks, sometimes unknowingly, which prevents us from attracting new relationships into our lives. Harrington says the first step is forgiveness and then stopping the blame game.
"Forgive yourself and all that you ever did, but don't stop there," she says. "Forgive anyone who has ever hurt you. Stop blaming yourself for past relationships that failed. Don't be so hard on yourself by blaming yourself for past transgressions." Harrington says that these thoughts and actions block you from experiencing a loving relationship.
"It's like putting up an energetic shield to protect your heart. It builds a wall that prevents love from entering. So take a moment and think back to those traumatic experiences and forgive yourself. Send love to that vulnerable, younger you." — Carolyn Harrington
Let Go of the Past
For those of us who've been hurt a few times, forgetting the past and flipping the pain switch off is tough and takes time. But if you're ready to put it all behind you and make a fresh start, Harrington says you need to let go and forgive anyone who has ever hurt you. "Harboring angry feelings towards someone else doesn't hurt them as much as it cripples you," she says.
"Most likely that person has moved on. They are not aware you still harbor negative feelings toward them. It only becomes a burden to you, not them. If you are unable to forgive that other person, you are only harming yourself. Don't build that wall around your heart to protect yourself from others. If you forgive yourself and others, the love will flow."
Love Yourself First
If you're ready to fall in love again and want to attract the right person into your life, then it's time for a little self-care. After all, how can you love someone else if you can't even love yourself? Harrington says this step is imperative if you truly want to embrace others again. "Loving yourself will initiate a vibration that attracts more loving situations to you," she stressed. "Think about the law of attraction. If we are focused on something, we have the ability to attract it into our lives. It's why when you buy a new car that you think is totally different and unique, you start seeing them everywhere."
If we are focused on something, we have the ability to attract it into our lives.
Ready to give it a try? Here is Harrington's three-step guide to loving yourself:
- Forgive you and anyone who has hurt you.
- Take time to be playful, fun, and loving. It will help you bring joy and pleasure into your life.
- Engage in a hobby or interest. Being enthusiastic about something is like having a magnet attached to you. People are captivated by passionate people.
Release Negative Emotions
If there's one thing that impacts our energy and our chance of finding new, loving relationships, it's negative emotions. So it's officially time to ditch them altogether and release them from your heart, mind, and soul. "Your thoughts affect your energy, and negative emotions could be a huge barrier between you and a healthy relationship," she says. "For example feelings of guilt, shame, fear, and grief resonate at lower frequencies. They will zap you of your energy. Think of someone who struggles with depression. They will tell you they feel exhausted and have little energy to do anything. Thoughts and feelings do have an impact on your energy levels, so don't let them diminish your health and your well-being."
"Your body is smart, masterfully created, and full of life and energy," she continues. "It knows negative emotions will be a drag on your system. So when you experience a negative emotion, your body will try to shove that bad energy somewhere else in your body. It doesn't want the negative emotion to permeate your system and wreak havoc everywhere. So think positive and shift your thoughts to expect love, and love will come."
Shift Your Thinking
Once you've worked on loving yourself first (and forgiven yourself along with anyone else who may have hurt you in the past), your next step is to shift your thinking. "Thoughts have a huge impact on our reality and your every thought has a measurable vibration," says Harrington. "Thoughts are vibrational frequencies that run in currents as real as those of air and water. If thoughts were visible to the naked eye, you would see energy flow from one person to another. These vibrating currents of energy affect how we feel."
Thoughts are vibrational frequencies that run in currents as real as those of air and water.
So Harrington says it's time to shift your expectations from "it's too good to be true" or "I always date the wrong people" to an expectation of finding love. "When you begin to act as if you expect happiness and love, beautiful things happen," she says. "But prepare yourself, because love will come."
Want more? Try reading the following books to help you on your journey to finding love.