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Falling in love with someone can be highly exciting and thrilling, but for many people, it can also be scary. After all, completely trusting someone with your heart is not a simple task. If you have a fear of falling in love, the good news is that you can definitely get over the phobia and allow yourself to experience the joy and exhilaration of letting go and falling head over heels.
Be Honest With Yourself About Why You're Afraid
Ask yourself why you're afraid of falling in love with someone. For instance, have you been hurt in the past and the thought of falling in love again worries you because of what you've gone through before? Are you someone who tends to keep others at a distance and doesn't want to open up? Are you afraid to truly let yourself fall for someone because you're not comfortable being vulnerable around another person?
"We tend to believe that the more we care, the more we can get hurt," says clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone. "The ways we were hurt in previous relationships, starting from our childhood, have a strong influence on how we perceive the people we get close to as well as how we act in our romantic relationships." It's time to ask yourself the tough questions in order to get to the root of why it is that you're preventing yourself from falling in love and having this rewarding experience. Then you can take steps to move past these hurdles that are keeping you from having a deep connection with another person.
Feel Your Feelings
The next step is to try and experience your feelings and work through these emotions and lingering doubts about being in love. If you're worried that falling in love will put you at risk of ending up brokenhearted, for example, you need to recognize and overcome these feelings head-on. "Getting to know our fears of intimacy and how they inform our behavior is an important step to having a fulfilling, long-term relationship," Firestone says. There's always a risk involved when it comes to love, but once you understand that it's an inherent part of the process, you'll be better able to let down your guard going forward.
Talking to friends and family, seeking out the help of a therapist, and focusing on self-care are ways to deal with the residual feelings of sadness, disappointment, and heartbreak from a previous relationship.
Pick a Worthy Partner
It's also a good idea for you to take a much closer look at the person for whom you're falling. How does this person treat you? Do you share the same values? Do you respect and trust one another? Sometimes a fear of falling in love stems from your own nagging feelings of self-doubt that you're with the wrong person or that this person isn't truly in love with you. However, if you look at your relationship as a whole with a more critical eye, you'll be better able to see if you're both on the same page.
Know That It's Okay to Be Vulnerable
It can be difficult to be truly open and honest with another person, and if you're trying to get over your lingering fear of letting yourself love and be loved, take steps to confide in this person and be a bit vulnerable. For example, while you may be self-sufficient, stoic by nature, and feel as though you don't need a partner's help or advice, try opening up in order to strengthen your relationship. Your partner should be your teammate and biggest advocate, and even if you're not used to relying on someone else or letting your guard down, now's the time to break the barriers that you've built up inside yourself.
Understand That It Takes Time
Getting over this kind of fear doesn't happen overnight, and once you understand that it's a marathon and not a sprint, falling for someone won't seem so drastic and intimidating. You can take small steps and challenge yourself each day to help you deal with your fear of falling in love, such as making a conscious effort to be more open with your partner. Falling in love can be a magical process if you let yourself experience it, and when you're willing to finally take this risk, you'll see that the reward is entirely worth it.