Why a Marriage Consultant Wants You to Flirt With Your Spouse

Updated 05/03/19
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While the early stages of most relationships are filled with playful flirting as you and your new love interest get to know one another, these small (but meaningful) actions tend to fade as time goes on. Once you and your S.O. are comfortable with each other and committed to your relationship, there's seemingly less reason to play hard-to-get or be spontaneous. However, even after you and your partner settle down, it's important to continue flirting with each other every now and then.

"Flirting is much more than just a bit of fun: it is a universal and essential aspect of human interaction," according to Kate Fox a social anthropologist of the Social Issues Research Center. Just as it did at the beginning of your relationship, flirting helps you convey your intentions in a playful and romantic way.

It can be an ego boost and a reminder that you and your partner still find each other attractive and are just as in love now as you were at the start. Flirting can also help keep the spark of your relationship alive and be a fun way for the two of you to connect no matter how much time goes by.

You already know how to flirt with your spouse—it's something that happens naturally in a language you and your S.O. understand fluently. But just in case you could use a refresher, keep reading for a few helpful tips for how to flirt with your spouse.

Be Spontaneous

Flirting should be spontaneous. Let it happen organically when it feels right rather than planning to flirt at a certain time of day, for instance.

Get Creative

There are so many different ways to flirt, but Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. recommends imagining that you're having an affair with your partner in case you need a bit of extra incentive. "Send [them] sexy text messages during the day," she suggests in a Psychology Today article.

Play Coy

Coy looks, a glance, a wink, a smile, a pat on your spouse's rear, lowering your eyes, an arched eyebrow—these all say you're still interested in your S.O.

Be Bold

You know what your "come-and-get-me stance" looks like. Give your spouse that look when they least expect it.

Use Your Voice

Put on a sultry tone of voice or even whisper when giving a compliment or a peck on the cheek to set the mood. Your S.O. will love it.

Have a Little Fun

You can toss your head slightly, squeeze your spouse's hand or knee, place your hand in a light touch on your mate's shoulder, or give a hug to show you care.

Get Creative

You can also play with your earrings, necklace, or necktie to draw attention to yourself. Look into your partner's eyes or shyly look away. "It's gestures, stance, eye movement," Belinda Luscombe explains for Time

No matter what you do, have fun with it. Flirting will come naturally, even if your skills are a little rusty.

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