Have you ever been told that you're too clingy? Has your current partner or a past partner ever accused you of being needy or dependent? While your intentions may be entirely good, being too clingy in a relationship is anything but that. You may enjoy spending time with your partner, but it’s imperative to have some boundaries in place. Fortunately, these five essential steps can help you go from clingy to self-sufficient.
1. Put Down the Phone
If you tend to be the clingy type, you may be used to constantly contacting your partner throughout the day. Whether via text, talking on the phone, or sending pictures, articles, and emails, your days may currently consist of endless conversations back and forth. However, while you may simply miss your partner and enjoy being in close contact with him or her at all times, this actually comes off as clingy and needy. Rather than giving your partner space to be able to concentrate on other matters, take on the day, and have some down time, you are bombarding, distracting, and likely annoying him or her with your incessant need to reach out at all hours.
So when you feel the urge to frequently contact your partner, it’s important to put down the phone and use that time to focus on yourself rather than reaching out to him or her.
2. Pursue Your Own Passions
Being clingy in a relationship can often stem from a person’s lack of other interests and hobbies. Specifically, you should strive to have your own life away from your partner and make your personal passions and pursuits a priority. Having activities and pastimes that are important to you can help you to find your own path that’s separate from your partner. By taking a spin class, signing up for piano lessons, or joining a book club, you’re helping yourself to become less needy by having your own life.
You don't need to spend every moment with your partner, so be sure to find your own areas of interest that you can enjoy solo as this will make you more independent and more interesting and engaging as a result.
3. Give Your Partner Space
For many people who struggle with being too clingy, they don’t like when their partner does things without them. Whether it’s having dinner with friends, going out to a bar, or seeing a movie, clingy people in relationships have a hard time with the fact that their partner has a life away from them. However, it’s vitally important to the health and success of your relationship that your partner is able to do and enjoy things without you, as it’s the unique facets of your personalities that make you a better team.
Since you’re a couple and not a clone of your partner, you should support his or her endeavors and desire to go golfing with friends or have a girls' night. By turning down your clingy nature, you’re showing your partner that you care about his or her needs, that you’re secure in your relationship with one another, and that you place a priority on his or her happiness.
4. Stop Being Jealous
It’s not uncommon for people to behave in a clingy and needy way because they’re jealous or worried about their partner’s loyalty or possible infidelity. For example, you may insist on texting your partner throughout the day because you’re worried about his or her relationship with a cute coworker. Or you may want to hang out with your partner 24/7 because you don't trust his or her behavior when you're not there. However, being envious, mistrusting them, and acting suspicious is only going to push the two of your farther apart.
Since relationships are based on mutual trust, your clingy nature is actually showing your partner that you don’t believe or have faith in him or her or in the strength of your connection. On the other hand, if you choose to trust your partner and work through these jealous feelings and emotions, you'll be far less clingy and your relationship is far more likely to succeed.
5. Build Your Self-Esteem
While it may seem challenging at first, it’s time to recognize that you're able to accomplish things on your own without anyone by your side. In many cases, being clingy stems from one’s misconception that he or she needs others around at all times for help and support. However, you’ll soon recognize that you’re able to have achievements on your own and that it’s okay to spend time alone and do things without relying on others. You may even grow to enjoy these moments by yourself and completing tasks and projects on your own.
Many people think they need others around at all times, especially their partner. However, if you work towards improving your confidence, self-esteem, and ability to be more self-sufficient, you’ll actually be less clingy and needy.