When we think about attractiveness, a fresh coat of lipstick, a striking outfit, and a fresh blowout stereotypically come to mind. At least, that's what movies, TV shows, and magazines have conditioned us to envision. But what about your spiritual attractiveness as a person, or more specifically, the way in which you interact, attract, and repel the people around you?
Contrary to the storybook fairy tales we were read as kids, attracting the love of your life takes some action on your part; it's not all written in the stars. Fortunately, the process of opening yourself up to a relationship and attracting the right person is relatively simple, as John Kim, licensed therapist and life coach, recently pointed out in Psychology Today. Aside from embodying the type of person you hope to someday attract, it takes a bit of awareness and self-care on your part. According to Kim, here's what you should do to make yourself infinitely more attractive:
Be aware of your attractiveness
Again, we're not talking about aesthetics here. Kim is referring to your energy, character, emotional intelligence, attitude, and overall vibe. "The first tip is to just be aware and take an honest look at your attraction level," explains Kim. "If you believe your level is low, it doesn't mean you're defective. It means you have low awareness, or you haven't done much work on yourself."
To assess this, start by asking yourself a few questions: Do you attract or repel people in general? How do people respond to you? Do you notice a pattern? Is it different depending on gender?
Take care of your 7 basic needs
According to Kim, your seven basics include emotional, spiritual, physical, intellectual, sexual, financial, and passion needs. "There's nothing more attractive than someone who takes care of him or herself," he writes. "Self-care means having the ability to fulfill [these basic needs]."
The key here is being able to fulfill them yourself, not expecting someone else to do it for you. Work on becoming the best, most confident, and wholehearted version of yourself.
Consider your reactivity
In short, reactivity simply refers to the habit of reacting, however judgmentally, rather than responding to the people around you. "Nothing repels people more than a reactive person," writes Kim, who admits he used to be one. "No one wants to feel like they're walking through a minefield when they're around you."
To assess your reactivity, ask yourself a few questions: Do you think about how your words, actions, and energy will affect those around you, or do you allow yourself to have knee-jerk reactions?
Want to learn more? Read up on attracting the right person in your life in 2017.