My sister is currently in a wonderful relationship with an incredible man. He’s about to turn 32, she’s 30, they’ve been together for two years, and they live in a charming two-bedroom cottage.
The question that everyone asks and drives her crazy? "When are you getting married?" Being her older sister, I’ve discussed the topic of marriage with her at length, and what she struggles with the most is how one knows when someone is a good lifelong partner.
And that’s a really good question. It’s something that many people grapple with so much so that a recent Wait Buy Why article discusses the subject. The story is a long one, but I’ve highlighted the key points below. Here are the biggest mistakes people make when choosing a life partner.
You don’t know what you want from a relationship. Studies show single people are notoriously bad at predicting what their relationship preferences are. It’s hard to know what you’ll want or need, but it’s worth thinking about.
You follow societal norms and let romance guide you. If you’re going to become good at something—say being a nurse—you spend years studying. The same logic does not apply to finding love. We’re not supposed to think too much about our relationships, and society rushes young people into marriage and often frowns upon the 38-year-old single woman.
You listen to your biological clock. Women who want to have children with a husband have to find the right life partner by the age of 40. But people are living longer. When you marry someone at age 25 because you want to have children soon, you should also stop to really think, “Do I want to spend the next sixty-five years with this person?”
You’re overly romantic. Love alone does not a marriage make.
You’re scared. Whether you’re afraid of being alone, the last single person standing in your group of friends, or of being an older parent, it should not affect relationship decisions. Choosing to be with a partner because you’re scared of being single won’t create a healthy relationship.
You let other people influence your relationship choices. Just because your mom is crazy about your boyfriend doesn’t mean that he is The One. She’s not going to spend the rest of her life sleeping in the same bed as him, you are!
You’re shallow. A person who looks good on paper won't necessarily be your ideal life partner. Appearance isn’t everything.
Learn more about finding The One by reading How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul.
Are you in a healthy relationship?