We’re a society infatuated with how relationships start—just think about how many times you’ve been asked how you and your S.O met. And you could argue that this obsession is based on the idea that the beginning is where the 'spark' resides. But as time passes, it’s no secret that relationships shift away from the 'honeymoon phase', and into a steadier flow of deeper love and appreciation.
It's a common picture: Spending most weeknights lying on the couch, in your pyjamas eating ice-cream every week night, but many people in long-term relationships wonder if getting that intimacy back (particularly in your sex life) can ever return, and according to sexual expert, Susan Bratton, as told to Huffington Post Australia, it is, in fact, possible.
"When a couple falls in love, their hormones of connection can override issues from the past such as sexual abuse or religious or societal repression, such that it seems like great sex will go on forever. But as the 'love chemicals' fade in as little as a few months to a few years, those underlying issues take over and one or both of the partners who've been traumatised in the past will revert back to be unable to enjoy sex." Bratton continues with saying, "If a couple is normal and healthy, just putting attention again on their intimacy and sexual education can revive their sexual desire for each other.
It is completely possible to rekindle passion, even after many years.”
If you feel like your sex life has dulled, according to another expert in the article Melissa Ferrari, there are easy things we can do to cultivate a steady-flow of intimacy, in and out of the sheets. Her first suggestion? Staring at each other in the eyes for one minute a day. This at first seems like a strange one, we know, but according to Psychology Today, mutual gazing into your partner’s eyes has proven to be a good predictor of two individuals feeling the love between one another.
Ferrari also suggests, that being aware of how you and your partner interact—do you give them undivided attention when they talk to you? Do you ask about their day? Are you connecting on a deeper level?—is how to cultivate emotional closeness, and soon enough, those vibes can translate in the bedroom.