While many couples contend with the same issues in their marriage (think money, infidelity, intimacy... ), there's no single cure-all for marital problems. That's because every relationship is different, and advice that helps one couple won't necessarily work for the next. The onus is on you and your partner to decide whether or not your marriage can be saved, and that may involve some serious soul searching as individuals.
Here are five tough questions to help you gauge your true feelings and attitude toward your relationship. Don't throw in the towel before giving each question the thought and attention that your marriage deserves.
Are you sure you want a divorce?
Is your decision to part ways based on long-standing doubts and disappointments you've been having with the marriage, or is it a knee-jerk reaction to a recent spat? Try to picture your life without your partner in both the near and distant future, and be sure that you're comfortable and happy with what you envision.
Have you sought the opinion of a qualified third party?
No, your mom and colleagues don't count. You need someone who can stay objective, such as a psychiatrist or a licensed marriage therapist who can supply unbiased, educated advice to apply toward your behavior and your marriage.
What changes have you made to help improve the marriage?
Are you attempting to better yourself, and are you open and amenable to your partner's constructive criticisms? Be sure that you're actively doing your part to improve upon the relationship—not just pointing fingers.
Have you made your concerns and feelings heard?
If you find that your partner continually lets you down, it may be time to ask yourself if he or she is understanding what, exactly, you expect or need from him or her. As you know, there's a difference between hearing and active listening, and sometimes things just get lost in translation. Double-check that your partner is aware of the expectations and standards you've set.
Have you tried spending some time apart?
Putting some physical space between you may help you and your partner more effectively work through the issues with your relationship. Try remaining apart for an extended period of time so that you can address your relationship with a clear, level head.