This Is Why Cheaters Cheat, According to a Divorce Coach

Updated 05/13/19
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As unfair and hurtful as it may be, seemingly good people can cheat on their significant others. While there's no excuse for this behavior, most people who cheat find ways to justify their actions to themselves—no matter how untrue or mislead their reasoning may be.

Adulterers tend to live in a fantasy world in which their actions differ from the reality they create for themselves in order to cheat. However, no matter how a cheater justifies their actions, people can be seriously hurt by their behavior.

Keep reading to find out three common myths cheaters tell themselves in order to justify their behavior and the realities that make these lies so harmful. This is why cheaters cheat.

Myth:

Oftentimes, people who cheat tell themselves that if their spouse were to find out about their behavior, they would get over it. They might justify their actions by blaming their S.O. for ignoring their needs, not showing them enough affection, or not seeming to care about them anymore. However, no matter how troubled the relationship might be, guessing that a spouse or long-term partner wouldn't care about an affair is a lofty assumption.

Reality:

If you've ever been cheated on, you understand first-hand the feelings of betrayal, anger, and frustration that can come along with it, even if your relationship had its problems. A victim of adultery might question their worth or value as a partner and could be emotionally harmed whether the cheater believes the spouse is still invested in the marriage or not.

In some cases, people can get over the betrayal of adultery, but it will almost always hurt and cause a lot of unnecessary suffering. Additionally, trust between the couple will be lost. This is usually what makes recovering from cheating so difficult.

Myth:

A person who cheats on their partner might try to justify the situation by assuring themselves that they're no longer in love and that the relationship has been over for a long time. Someone who does this may emotionally remove themselves from their relationship in order to make sense of their choice to break vows and other promises made.

Reality:

Just because someone is grappling with falling out of love with their partner does not mean they have the freedom to start seeing other people. This is not a good justification for committing adultery and breaking marriage vows.

So long as a couple is married, both partners are asked to uphold their promises to one another. If that means being faithful then it's best to be honest and ask for a divorce before starting up a new relationship. This way there's no lying or hiding.

Myth:

A person who cheats might also try to tell themselves that they are not a bad person even though they're doing a bad thing. They may truly believe that they've done all they can do to save their marriage and think that they deserve to be happy even if that's with someone other than their spouse.

Reality:

Simply put, adultery is unethical and hurtful whether you're or not you're a good person most of the time. Although it's tempting to define ethical behavior on your own terms, cheating on someone without their knowledge is especially cruel no matter how you try to justify it.

If you're unhappy in a relationship, all you have to do is be honest and talk about it, rather than secretively try out someone else.

At the end of the day it's best to consider the reality of adulterous behavior rather than getting caught up in the mythical, storybook idea some create to justify adultery.

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