Signs You’re Self-Sabotaging Your Relationship

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While relationships can sometimes be complicated, you may not even realize the ways in which you’re actually harming your chances of having a successful, meaningful, and long-lasting connection with your partner. In fact, there are certain thoughts and behaviors that you may regard as completely benign, but in reality, they can directly contribute to your relationship’s demise. It's important to be able to recognize the clear signs that you’re self-sabotaging relationships so that you don’t end up losing one that you truly want and deserve.

You Think Your Relationship Isn’t Going to Last

One of the clear signs that you’re sabotaging your chances of having a happy, healthy, and long-lasting future with your partner is that you don’t actually think there is a future. If you truly believe that your relationship isn’t going to work out, these pessimistic thoughts could become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and this kind of cynicism will negatively impact your behavior around your partner. On the flip side, if you view the road ahead in a positive light and have high hopes for your relationship’s future, there's a higher likelihood of actually having a future with him or her.

You Refuse to Open up to Your Partner

Another indicator that you’re harming your chances of having a successful and meaningful relationship is that you’re overly guarded and closed-off around your partner. However, in order to truly get to know someone and build a strong, lasting, and unshakeable bond, you have to be willing to be open and honest around him or her. And while you may be a private person, if you keep hiding things about your past, refrain from sharing your true feelings, and aren’t willing to be emotionally open around him or her, you’re making your relationship vulnerable to collapse.

If you feel like you can't overcome your self-sabotaging behavior on your own or through deep conversations with your partner, consider seeking therapy, either individual or couples'.

You’re Not Fully Present When You're Together

An additional sign that you’re self-sabotaging your relationship is that you’re not truly present when you’re with your partner. Specifically, if you’re always on your phone or tablet, keep the TV on at all times, and end up having conversations where you find yourself half-listening, your other half won’t stick around for much longer. Remember, if you want to create a deep and lasting connection with this person, it’s time to be fully present when you’re with him or her and eliminate any distractions and interruptions.

You’re Comparing Your Partner to an Ex

Another clear indicator that you’re lowering your chances of having a successful and flourishing relationship with your partner is that your ex is still on your mind. If you continue to compare your current partner to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend and keep a scorecard in your head, you’re not giving your partner a real chance to build a new and enduring connection with you. If you want your relationship to have long-lasting potential, you should stop bringing your past into the present so you can have a chance at a future.  

You’re Automatically Distrusting of Your Partner

Are you untrusting of your partner even though they haven't given you a reason to feel this way? If your relationship default setting is to automatically be distrusting and suspicious of your partner, you can trust in the fact that your skepticism could cause your relationship to unravel. And while it may be hard to trust someone new, especially if you’re someone who’s been hurt or betrayed in the past, it’s the only way to build a strong and long-lasting connection with your partner and lay the foundation for a successful relationship.  

You Don’t Think You’re Good Enough

If you’re unsure of yourself and have a tendency to doubt your value, you could actually be contributing to the demise of your relationship. "There are several reasons someone might want to sabotage a perfectly healthy relationship. One big reason is low self-esteem and self-worth," says therapist Maggie Dancel. If you believe that you’re not good enough and/or that you don’t deserve to be truly happy, it won’t be long before your actions reflect these insecurities and doubts. Remember, you’re a valuable and unique person with a ton to offer your partner, so don’t sell yourself short and end up inadvertently causing the shortening of your relationship.

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