This Is What a Good Sex Life Actually Looks Like

If you want to be "good" at sex, the first thing you should do is stop buying into articles about being good at sex, according to sex researcher Nicole Prause (excluding this one, of course). Prause says that the countless listicles such as "25 Ways to Blow His Mind in Bed" and "12 Positions You Haven't Tried Yet" play into our curiosity but distract us from what we should be focusing on.

If anything, the everlasting popularity of sex-based content speaks to our innately human desire to feel sexually confident and capable—something we tend to avoid discussing with our partner at all costs. "No one wants to be dumb at sex," said Prause in an interview with New York magazine. "But the expertise isn't embedded in the information, it's embedded in the individual."

In other words: Don't study the medium, study the subject. Instead of scouring magazines for the latest and greatest way to get it on; turn your attention to the person sitting right in front of you. The truth is in the numbers: The best predictor of female orgasm in young women is the number of sexual experiences with a partner, according to a 2012 study published in The American Sociological Review.

This suggests that "partner-specific learning plays a role, even in the absence of long-term commitment," said Elizabeth A. Armstrong, lead author of the study."[Participants] talked at length about the awkwardness of first-time sex and the importance of getting to know each other's bodies."

Looking to open the lines of communication with your partner? Download the Kindu app and report back with your review.