The Most Important Quality to Look for in a Partner

What makes some relationships stand the test of time and others end in bitter divorce? Sharing the same core values, reports Business Insider. According to couples psychologist Peter Pearson, finding someone who shares the same core values as you is the holy grail of relationships and will make a partnership sustainable.

“You can negotiate your interests, but not your values,” explains Pearson. “If one of you wants to spend the weekends hiking through forests and the other wants to party through the night, that can be compromised on (trek one weekend, rage the next). But if one of you really values moving up in the world and the other couldn’t care less about social status, then you might run into some problems.” If it’s important for you to live in a big house, you need to be with someone who also wants to live in a big house.

In order to figure out if you have shared values, Pearson recommends asking good questions when you’re dating, like Do you value curiosity? What is your attitude toward personal growth? Is travel an important aspect of your life? Find a person who answers in the same way that you would, and you may end up in a golden relationship. Find a person who answers differently, and “it ain’t gonna work,” Pearson says. “Everything small will grow into huge proportions.”

Learn more about staying in love by reading The 5 Love Languages.

Do you and your partner have the same core values?