Should I Stay in a Sexless Relationship?

Updated 05/13/19
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Sex can play a different role in many relationships, as some relationships become sexless over time while others are sexless from the beginning. And if you're currently in a sexless relationship and are wondering if you should stay or if you should go, it's important to look at your relationship situation from many angles in order to determine the best way to proceed. 

1. Why Is Your Relationship Sexless?

If you're wondering if you should stay in a sexless relationship, the first step is to understand why your relationship is sexless in the first place. For example, since you and your partner are likely busy and have numerous commitments and responsibilities, there are many couples who simply don't put aside moments to be intimate. And if your relationship has become sexless because of a lack of time, one key way to solve this issue is to have a sex calendar that you and your partner create together in which you cut out designated times for intimacy in advance.

For some couples, the sexless nature of their relationship comes in other forms, as you may no longer feel physically attracted to your partner or vice versa, or you may no longer desire sex because of other happenings or stresses in your life that are making sex a chore rather than a meaningful act. In addition, there are other couples where sex stops after children enter the picture, as they find it more challenging to view their partner as a sexual being and not just the mother or father of their kids.

There are also couples who have relationships where sex was never a key component, and they view their partner as a companion and friend rather than a romantic mate. In addition, there are couples who lose sexual desire for one another after infidelity, as the betrayal and broken trust seem to break the desire to be intimate going forward.

2. How Important Is Sex in a Relationship?

There are quite a few differing opinions about the importance of sex in a happy and healthy relationship. On the one hand, many people believe that sex is an essential way for you to truly connect with your partner, as there are both physical and emotional components to this intimate act. Many people view the desire and frequency of sex with their mate as a barometer of how the relationship is going. For instance, if you're very into the idea of having sex with your partner and are regularly engaging in intimate acts with him or her, then you're keeping your connection and relationship strong.

However, if you've suddenly lost the desire to have sex with your partner or you're rarely intimate with one another, this may be an indicator that your connection is fading, and your relationship has become more platonic than romantic. 

3. How Important Is Sex to You?

If you're wondering if you should stay in a sexless relationship, the key question you need to ask yourself is how important sex is to you. For some people, sex is an absolute necessity in a relationship, and it's not possible to remain in a romantic situation where sex is rarely an option or is completely off the table. For others, having an emotional connection with their partner is enough to sustain their meaningful, successful, and long-lasting relationship. There are also other options, as many couples have an agreed-upon type of open relationship where they're able to have their sexual needs met outside of their relationship with their partner, but they still are fully committed to her or him.


When it comes to sex in a relationship, the bottom line is that you have to do what's best for you. There's no cookie cutter answer, as it simply depends on the importance you personally place on sex. Some of the best steps for couples in sexless relationships are to talk openly and honestly with one another as well as seek out counseling and support from a professional. Relationships can be complicated, and having an expert in your corner who can provide guidance and insight can help you determine what's right for you and your relationship going forward.


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