Given the fact that some 50% of today's marriages end in divorce, a few key warning signs have emerged that indicate a couple isn't meant to be. Oftentimes, wedding officiants, particularly those who conduct pre-marital counseling, bear witness to these red flags, sometimes unbeknownst to the couple. The Huffington Post recently spoke to a few wedding officiants in the hopes of uncovering a few key warning signs that a marriage is headed to splitsville.
Officiants say that conflict oftentimes arises as the symptom of a deeper issue or root cause; the unwillingness to accept in a deep and honoring way who the other person is. This could occur for a variety of different reasons, but the most recurring theme seems to be that people think that they can change their partner. Curious to know how your relationship stacks up to these telltale signs? In their very own words, here are the top three signs that a couple just isn't the right fit:
“When I conduct my premarital counseling, I can often detect a person being judgmental about some behavior or aspect of the personality of their spouse-to-be. The judgmental one figures that they will eventually change the other. The judged one assumes that the judging one will calm down. Perhaps that happens. Couples that seek help can often work this one through. The conflict is a symptom of the deeper issue; the unwillingness to accept in a deep and honoring way who the other person is. I always recommend: before you want to change someone, ask them if they sincerely want to change.
If not, accept it or don’t get married. And to the other: if the other person does not stop with the criticizing, learn to set boundaries — kind, clear, firm and ruthless if need be — and if your boundaries are not respected, don’t get married.” ― Rabbi Mordecai Finley
“Psychologically, some people get caught up in a romanticized illusion that their partner ‘completes’ them. Thinking this indicates how ‘perfect’ they are for each other, the individual fails to recognize the negative message they are sending to themselves and to their partner. This tells the self, ‘I am not enough by myself. I need this other person to be happy’ and it gives the partner an unrealistic responsibility for the other’s well-being. I perceive this as a sign of great immaturity and personal insecurity.
Unless the individual outgrows this perspective, it typically erodes the relationship as the partner eventually feels burdened with the responsibility of carrying this partner rather than having someone who stands beside him or her as an equal.” ― Judith Johnson, interfaith minister
“A bride once told me that she’d had a blowout argument with her fiancé, at the end of which he said, ‘You think you know everything about me, but you don’t.’ She wondered if this was a ‘red flag.’ I asked if she was curious as to what he’d meant, but she shrugged it off with, ‘Oh, that’s just him.’ Within a year she got pregnant and then learned what he had meant. He doesn’t like children and so he divorced her.” ― JP Reynolds, interfaith minister
Head over to The Huffington Post for the full list of red flags, and share your relationship experience below.