6 Signs You're Afraid of Commitment

Updated 05/15/19
Martin-Dm/E+/Getty Images 

Are you afraid of commitment? For some people, deciding to be in a loving, long-term, and committed relationship with someone can bring stress rather than bliss. And if you're wondering if you're a person who's fearful of taking this kind of leap of faith and devoting yourself to a romantic partner, these six key signs can help you recognize if you're afraid of commitment. 

1. You Always Want to Keep Things Casual

If you're trying to figure out if you're afraid of commitment, one of the major signs is that you always want your relationships to stay casual, even if you really want to be with this person. For example, while your partner may hope to take your relationship to the next level, your desire is to keep things casual and noncommittal for as long as possible. In many cases, by pushing for a lighthearted and less intense relationship with this person, you're preventing yourself from having to deal with the seriousness of a romantic relationship and are enabling yourself to avoid any messiness that can stem from this kind of real commitment.

2. You’re Scared of Getting Hurt Again

Another key sign that you're afraid of commitment is that you've had to deal with heartache and heartbreak from a previous relationship. For example, if you've been hurt or let down in a prior relationship, were cheated on by a former partner, or were blindsided by a breakup, you may be afraid to commit again because of the pain you've experienced in the past. However, in order to have a deep and fulfilling relationship with someone, you have to be able to risk getting hurt again, as it's part of the process of opening up and trusting a partner with your heart.

3. You Self-Sabotage

If you're wondering if you're afraid of commitment, an additional indicator is that you tend to be the one who sabotages potential relationships with other people. Specifically, you may choose to pull away from your partner as things get more serious between the two of you, or you may even be unfaithful to a partner in order to avoid having to commit to him or her and therefore are sabotaging the connection you're building. When you're the person who is causing the relationship to fail before it's even had a chance to truly grow and blossom, this can be a major sign that you're afraid of commitment.

4. You Don’t Open Up About Your Feelings

Is it difficult or uncomfortable for you to share your feelings with others? If you've ever been described as standoffish, cold, or emotionally detached, this can actually be a sign that you're afraid of commitment. For instance, if you often hide your emotions from a partner and choose not to open up about what you're thinking or feeling, this can be a way for you to keep someone at a distance so that you don't have to feel vulnerable around him or her. And when you don't open up to a partner or let him or her know what's really on your mind, you're avoiding having to fully commit.

Further, in order to have a serious and long-lasting relationship, both you and your partner have to be able to open up to each other and share thoughts and feelings. And if you're someone who chooses to put up barriers between you and a partner and be emotionally unavailable, you're keeping yourself from ever having to commit. 

5. You Easily Find Faults in Others

Another crucial sign that you're afraid of commitment is that you often find reasons not to commit to your partner. For example, you may talk yourself out of having a truly meaningful and long-lasting relationship with someone because you've convinced yourself that this person isn't right for you. Whether he or she isn't tall enough, lives too far away, doesn't have a career you find interesting, or spelled a word incorrectly in a text, you're quick to judge someone and disqualify him or her as a potential partner.

However, when you automatically discount a person for trivial reasons, this can actually be a sign that you're afraid of commitment. And by counting people out before you've even gotten a chance to know them, you're preventing yourself from having a serious and committed relationship because you're never really giving anyone a chance.

6. You've Convinced Yourself That You Don't Want to Commit

When you're trying to figure out if you're afraid of commitment, it's important to reexamine how you view commitment in the first place. Many people who tell themselves that they don't want to commit are often just scared of taking this kind of leap and have convinced themselves that commitment isn't something they even want. However, while it's certainly okay to not want to commit to someone, it's important that this choice isn't driven by fear. It's time to be honest with yourself and examine the underlying reasons why you don't want to commit to someone and make sure it's not because you're worried or afraid that committing could cause future heartbreak.

It's imperative that a fear of commitment isn't preventing you from trying to find the committed relationship that you actually want. 

Related Stories