The #1 Sign Your Relationship Isn't Meant to Be, According to a Therapist


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When caught up in the throes of a romantic relationship, it can become extremely difficult to see your partnership for what it is, good or bad. Between the adrenaline, serotonin, and dopamine rushing through your brain when falling in love, it's safe to say that your judgment can become a little impaired. However, there are certain clues to look for when trying to determine whether or not the relationship is truly "meant to be."

To that end, therapist and life coach John Kim has a few ideas about what the wrong relationship looks like. "The purpose of this post isn’t to make you feel regretful about your past or panicked about your current relationship," he clarifies in Psychology Today. "It’s just a reminder to sharpen your radar and consider your options. The result could be having honest conversations with your partner or shifting your behavior." 

With that being said, he believes that forgetting who you are as a person, or not feeling like yourself in the relationship, is a sign that it may not be the right fit. In his words, this is when "everything you’ve liked about yourself, who you are, or what makes you uniquely you, is gone or faded." Unfortunately, Kim says this happens in a lot of relationships, but can be difficult to detect since it happens gradually over a long period of time.

"Sometimes partners try to control us and call this behavior love," he writes. "Over time, this strips away at who we are or want to be." He goes on to clarify that this is not always the other person's fault; if this is something that happens in all of your relationships, you're most likely the common denominator. "This [second scenario] usually happens due to a distorted understanding of love as self-sacrifice, rather than thinking about it in terms of healthy compromises and growing together."

To remedy this, he recommends being aware of the issue and working on finding yourself in the relationship again. "If you don't, you're not bringing you to the relationship. You're bringing your conditioning." 

Have you ever found yourself in this position? How did you remedy it? Share your experience with us below.