You might think of physical intimacy between men and women as the ultimate cosmic joke. Generally speaking, men get physical as a way to open up and emotionally connect while women need to feel emotionally connected to get physical. It's a brain twister.
Luckily, married people report having more frequent and better sex than their single counterparts. If you’re not one of those couples, you might want to consider if one of these common mistakes is the reason why. Are you too busy or in a fight? A break from intimacy could be healthy in the short-term, but physical romance is essential to a great, long-lasting marriage.
The answer may be far simpler, which is to say that it is an easy fix. Read on to see if you are committing any of these pitfalls that are killing the mood in your marriage.
6 Mood-Killers in Marriage
- Grabbing your partner's body. Treating your partner like an object will not endear you to them. Neither does touching only when you want sex. Real affection, with no strings attached, will increase intimacy when the time is right.
- Making your partner feel guilty. It is a turn-off if you pout, get angry, or otherwise react poorly when your advances are turned down. It may sting in the moment, but your spouse always has the right to say no. Making them feel bad about it will only create resentment, which ends up being a turn-off for you both. If this happens frequently, there may be a greater issue that you both should address in a safe space.
- Poor hygiene or not taking care of yourself. Showering regularly should already be part of your routine, as well as keeping your things or your side of the bed neat and tidy. This also applies to mental health—psychological issues can get in the way of intimacy, and avoidance of those issues will only make them worse. Help yourself and your marriage by staying up-to-date on therapy and medication when necessary.
- Not pulling your weight in bed. Sex is a way of connecting on a deep level and should be a priority to both of you. When your spouse is the one who always initiates, it creates an imbalance in the relationship. Usually, once you begin foreplay things heat up naturally, but it is also important not to make your partner do all the work for the both of you.
- Not making your partner a priority. Your partner wants to know that you desire them. When you put everything else first—the chores, the children, Instagram—it hurts your spouse and your marriage.
- Talking too much (at the wrong time). Remember that there is a time and a place for everything. When your spouse has begun to set the mood and you are getting ready for foreplay, any other thoughts are distractions. If there are undone chores, don't think or complain about them. Maybe you meant to tell your partner a joke or about something they would like—save it for later.
Remember that sexual desire often begins outside the bedroom. Sexually turning off your partner or making minimal efforts to turn your partner on is a step in the direction of a "sexless marriage." Don't let these turn-offs interfere with such a critical part of your relationship.