Divorce is an option for any married couple, and when times get tough in a relationship, it may start to seem appealing. But the truth is, the divorce process is challenging, and your life post-divorce will face its own set of struggles, so you really want to make sure you're divorcing for the right reason—and there are definitely some no-so-great reasons to get divorced.
If you're at the point of no longer wanting to be married, put some serious thought into why and consider if the issues in your marriage are something you can work through. To help you decide whether you're being rational or are just overly frustrated with the state of your marriage, we rounded up some of the worst reasons to get a divorce.
Read on for the four worst reasons to get a divorce.
Your Partner No Longer Makes You Happy
It isn’t your spouse's job to “make” you happy. If you truly want to be happy in your marriage, don’t tie your happiness to whether or not your spouse makes you the main focus of their life. Do you have your own hobbies, interests, and social circle? If not, consider investing some time in yourself and do things that make you happy. When you're happy with yourself, you'll likely be happier in your marriage.
"There are many of you out there suffering—some silently, some not-so-silently—in your unhappy marriages. You feel you can’t leave either at all or right now. I want to give you permission to stay. Stay and change your perspective, stay and change the rules, stay for your own benefit and stay for your kids’ sake," says therapist Susan Pease Gadoua. "All it takes is willingness and an open mind."
Your Partner Never Wants Sex
A sexless marriage can be a challenge, particularly if it's only one-sided, but before you jump to divorce, ask yourself if you have unrealistic expectations about how often you should be having sex. If you're having sex once a week, for example, you're not living in a sexless marriage. More than likely you're living with a tired spouse. If your partner has a job, children, and a home to keep running, the problem probably isn’t a lack of desire for sex, but more likely fatigue and lack of time.
If time isn't an issue, try to identify behaviors of your own that may be contributing to your partner's lack of desire for sex. You could unknowingly be playing a role in your sexless marriage.
If you want to improve your sex life, work on a solution to the problem. Offer to help with some of the household and/or child responsibilities to take some off your partner's plate, or consider scheduling some time each week to reconnect and be intimate. Sure, it's not as romantic as spontaneous sex, but it's a good starting point.
You're Bored With the Marriage
Boredom isn't a reason to divorce. Instead, look at it as an opportunity to change things up and find fun and interesting things to do together as a couple. Anything in life, relationships included, can become boring when we stop doing things to keep it interesting.
Discuss how you're feeling with your spouse and come up with a list of things you can do together that will get the marriage out of the rut you might be in. Try taking a weekly cooking class together, going on a vacation, or exercising every Saturday morning.
You've Grown Apart
With life and all that comes along with it, most couples probably feel they've grown apart or feel detached from each other at some point. Add children to the mix and who has time to focus on their own needs, let alone their spouse’s needs and emotions?
But there's a simple solution to this problem: Find more time for each other. Juggle schedules, put the children to bed early, or hire a sitter twice a month so you can get out of the house for a date night. Make some adjustments to your lifestyle that allows you and your spouse time together to reconnect emotionally. Your relationship with each other is more important than the long list of daily activities you’ve put on your to-do list.
"Why does a marriage have to end when the love changes or even dies? After all, marriage provides a foundation for every aspect of our Iives: sex, companionship, family, co-parenting, financial and social—not just love," says Pease Gadoua.