Whether a couple divorces or not is their choice. Over the years I’ve heard some strange and at times silly reasons people use for divorcing a spouse. If you no longer wish to be married, fine, but please put some thought into the answer you give your spouse when they ask you “why?”
And, more importantly, put thought into the reasons you've come up with that you believe warrants your desire to leave your marriage.
Worst Reasons To Get a Divorce: Reason #1 He No Longer Makes Me Happy
This one I hear most often from women. Some women who have fallen victim to the Elizabeth Gilbert, “Eat, Pray, Love” notion that marriage is supposed to fill your soul and if not you must go on a quest to find yourself.
I talked to a woman who divorced her husband because he chose to watch football on Saturday instead of spending EVERY Saturday with her. In her mind, their weekends should be spent locked in loving embraces, walking hand in hand through the park and talking. Why they couldn’t do such things on Sunday afternoon I have no idea, but it had to be every Saturday and if not, she would not longer stay in the marriage.
It isn’t your husband’s job to “make” you happy. That is your responsibility entirely and the first step in doing that is to allow him his Saturday afternoon football or whatever he feels he needs. Believe me, him taking a few hours away from the marriage is not an indication of a lack of love for you or a lack of desire for you to be happy.
If you truly want to be happy in your marriage don’t tie your happiness to whether or not your husband makes you the main focus of his life.
Worst Reasons To Get a Divorce: Reason #2 He or She Never Wants Sex
From personal experience, I can understand the angst that comes along with a sexless marriage. But, most men and women who complain about a spouse who doesn’t want sex have unrealistic expectations of how often they should be engaging in sex.
If you are having sex once a week, you are not living in a sexless marriage. More than likely you are living with a tired spouse. If your partner has a job, children and a home to keep running, the problem isn’t a lack of desire for sex. The problem is fatigue and a libido that is drained, sex is the last thing on the list of stuff to get done.
Sure, divorce is an option, but you may find that your next partner will face the same issues and not have the level of interest in sex that you have. If you want more sex, lend a helping hand with the children and around the house. Don’t file for divorce in the hope of finding a new spouse who will be on the same page you are sexually. Stay with the one you are with now and work on a solution to the problem. It’s better than trading one problem for another. At least you know what you have now; if you divorce and go out looking for something new, there's no telling what you could end up with.
And part of working on a solution is identifying behaviors of your own that may be contributing to your partner's lack of desire for sex. Yes, you could be playing a role in your sex-starved marriage.
Worst Reasons To Get a Divorce: Reason #3 You're Bored With The Marriage
Boredom is not a reason to divorce. It is a great reason to kick things up a notch, to find fun and interesting things to do together. If you got bored with your job would you quit the job? Anything in life can become boring when we stop doing things to keep it interesting. Discuss with your spouse how you are feeling and the two of you come up with a list of things you can do together that will get the marriage out of the rut it and you are experiencing.
Also, just like with happiness, marriage isn't supposed to be one long-lasting party. If you find yourself bored, add some adventure to your life. Take up a new hobby, one you can include your spouse in and take responsibility for shaking things up a bit.
Worst Reason To Get a Divorce: Reason #4 You've Grown Apart
This is a normal occurrence in most marriages. With life and all that comes along with it, I would be surprised if most couples didn’t feel they had grown apart or feel detached from each other at some point. Add children to the mix and who has time to focus on their own needs let alone their spouse’s needs and emotions?
There is a simple solution to this problem: find more time for each other. Juggle schedules, put the children to bed early, or hire a sitter twice a month so you can get out of the house together. Make some adjustments to your lifestyle that allows you and your spouse time together to reconnect emotionally. Your relationship with each other is more important than the long list of daily activities you’ve put on your must-do list.