As a newlywed, you want a successful marriage, though getting there can be tough. There will be good times and bad, that's all part of the marriage process. We all make mistakes, though some are more common than others. We have compiled a list of 19 newlywed blunders to watch out for, and what to do when you falter. Don't stress – as long as you own up to your mistakes and are willing to communicate and fix them, you're well on your way to a long, happy marriage.
Failing to Think Beyond the Wedding
Some couples get so wrapped up in the wedding festivities that they forget what the point of it all was. The reception was a lot of fun, but that was only day one of your new marriage. Now, you have to live together, get along, and form your own family. Enjoy the wedding planning and the afterglow of your big day, but keep the big picture in your head at all times – your life as a couple.
Trying to Change Your Spouse
Presumably, you married your spouse because you are in love with him or her. If that’s the case, then there’s no good reason for changing your spouse. Frankly, most adults don’t drastically change, so your best bet is to accept your spouse and love him or her for the ways he or she is unique and different and not in spite of those things.
Getting Off on the Wrong Foot with Your In-Laws
If the damage has already been done, do whatever you can to improve the relationship you have with your in-laws. Be the first to extend the olive branch because the only person who gets hurt when you fight with the in-laws is your spouse, who feels caught in the middle.
Letting Emotions Win
Getting aggressive or yelling and screaming is not going to help you and your spouse resolve problems or differences of opinion. Rational, calm discussion will get you further. If you need to, seek marriage counseling when things get too difficult to parse through yourselves.
Avoiding Important Discussions
No one likes to talk about difficult subjects like how to handle money, what to do if you can’t have children, or how to prepare for a death in the family. Now that you’re married, however, you have no choice but to face these matters. Be an adult and discuss it all with your spouse. Again, don't be afraid to seek counseling if the subject or situation requires it.
Your spouse has already chosen you to share their entire life with. If you trust them, don't bother with jealousy; it is only poisonous to a relationship. If you find you're having trouble trusting them, you may want to dig deeper to see where the real issue lies and and work on it together, as a couple.
Acting Like You Are Still Single
Hanging out with your friends all night and going to clubs was all right when you were a single person with no one waiting for you at home. Now you’ll need to negotiate how much time to spend with friends and how to maintain your former friendships while balancing that with your marriage. This will come into play more if you have children together, but it's always good to start habits early.
Being Too Proud
A spouse who holds out for an apology after every argument or denies affection to their partner is doing nothing good for the marriage. This is an example of letting pride get in the way of resolving problems and, ultimately, your love. You must allow yourself to go easy and find a way to take responsibility for your own actions.
Rushing Into Having Children
Some couples don’t give themselves enough time to be married to each other. If you can wait to have children, you should consider it—you’ll never have this time alone again. Once children arrive, they will demand much of your focus and attention.
Going Into Debt
Managing bills and debt can put a strain on a new marriage. If you are already in debt, make a plan to pay it off. Stay on budget, get your finances in order, and you’ll probably fight less. After all, this is now a burden that you both share, so it should not be taken lightly. If nothing else, you’ll sleep better at night and improve your financial health.
Having Unrealistic Expectations
If you think marriage is always a walk in the park, you have another thing coming. There will be hard times. It takes a while to get the hang of living with the person you love and making the relationship work. Don’t think that the problems you had before you walked down the aisle are simply going to disappear because you’re married. Some problems never will go away; it’s how you deal with them that counts.
Making Decisions Without Consulting Your Spouse
There are two people in your relationship. When you were single, you might have made decisions about where to go after work, what vacations to take, and how to spend your money without discussing it with anyone. Now, however, your decisions have an impact on your spouse, too. You are a team now, and he or she has a right to have input in these choices.
Not Giving Each Other Enough Space
Everyone needs time for themselves, and getting less of it can be a difficult adjustment for newlyweds. It's important to find a quiet place or do something you love all on your own. Give your spouse the chance to do the same. You will both appreciate your time apart and it may help you to better appreciate your time together.
Taking Your Partner for Granted
Remembering all the reasons you love your spouse and appreciating the little things he or she does takes some work. But it’s an integral part of building a strong marriage. Once you start to forget or simply expect your spouse to do certain things for you, he or she may feel unappreciated and you could start having issues.
Abandoning Your Sex Life
Marriage does not have to mean the end of your sex life. In fact, it's a myth that married people have less sex than single people. Maintaining sexual health is an intrinsic part of marriage so make some effort to keep things interesting and keep you and your spouse satisfied. This may require being open to trying new things occasionally.
Looking for more newlywed advice? Read up on a marriage counselor's best advice for newlyweds.