What Death Taught Me About Life

I always knew I'd write this story, but until today I haven't been ready. I'm still not 100 percent sure I am, but here goes. My goal here is to write the story I was looking for when death came and suffocated my husband, his family, and I on Christmas Day. I couldn’t find anything I related to.

Death came crashing into our perfect life suddenly and horrifically. I never knew real pain until that day, and I’ll never be the same. We’ll never be the same. But in the biggest surprise of them all—that’s turned out to be a great thing. I didn’t think I could love him any more than I did. But now I do. I didn’t think we could get closer than we were. But now here we are with a deeper, even more unbreakable bond than the one that comes along with marriage. Both smothered by and united in our grief, our marriage is actually stronger. And that’s what I want to write about—what death has taught me about life.

So if you happen to stumble across this article while you’re googling things like “how are you supposed to feel when someone dies?” or “how do I support my partner after a death”—and, yes, they are real things I've typed into the search bar—I hope it helps in some small way.  

I want to start by acknowledging how blessed I am. I have a good life full of opportunity. But it wasn’t always that way. I’m a huge believer in karma and showing up to my life each day and being a good person. Woman. Wife. Leader. Friend. Daughter. Sister. Try not to roll your eyes, but I’ve always tried to do what the good woman teaches us: Increase my vibrations and take responsibility for the energy I bring to the room I’m in. It’s both exhilarating and exhausting. But I know it’s this consistent personal work I do that continues to bring me this thing we call success. It’s also the reason I have a happy marriage and while I don’t have a huge group of friends, I have a handful of really meaningful friendships. What do they say? You're a combination of the five people you spend the most time with? Something like that.  

So when death came in and shit on my life, I was angry. How dare it hurt my husband like that? Put him, and us, through what it did. It’s not fair. But here’s lesson one: