Your S.O. Says They Are Just Friends—Is It an Affair?

Updated 03/13/19

Javier Pardina/Stocksy 

cheating spouse relies on deception. It's no wonder that their new friendship may seem suspicious to their partner. At first, the time they spend together is negligible but as their bond grows, it may raise some alarms. Your spouse may feel they have a lot in common with this person, that this person understands them and things they are going through. Whatever the reasons for the friendship, a worried partner should pay attention to how it progresses. 

An Affair or Just Paranoia?

A spouse may ask, “what should I say about a friendship if we really are just friends?” They do not love them, sleep with them, or even touch them, but they have become fast friends with someone new; this person may have even discussed it with their partner early on. Using tips from this article, many small details could begin to add up to cheating, but that does not mean it is always true.

Instead of trying to disprove that an affair is happening, a good partner will work with their other half to find out where their insecurities stem from. If a wife does not trust any of her partner's female friends, then that is the issue that they should work on together. If a husband assumes that another man will steal his partner away, they should address his personal insecurities. 

There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. It is wrong, however, to dismiss your spouse’s feelings about the issue. Your outside friendships may be platonic and seemingly harmless, but when you are married, you must consider your spouse’s opinion and feelings, too.

More Than "Just Friends"

Here are some examples of when a friendship crosses the line of your marriage or relationship. 

  • When you discuss your marital problems with your friend.
  • When you keep your relationship with your friend a secret.
  • When you begin to feel an attraction toward your friend.
  • When you turn to your friend with a problem instead of your wife.
  • When you exclude your wife from your relationship with your friend.
  • When you would rather spend time with your friend than your spouse.
  • When you think your friend understands you better than your spouse.

Adults usually have the common sense to know when a friendship has crossed the line and becomes something more than “just friends.” A guilty spouse may be in denial about it, but their partner will sense that there is a problem—often before the guilty one does. 

If you have friendships with members of the opposite sex and want to put your spouse at ease, then make sure your spouse is part of the relationships. It may sound antiquated but, when married, friendships should be shared. They should involve you and your spouse both. If for some reason you don’t feel a need to make your spouse a part of the friendship you need to question what your true objective is for maintaining the friendship.

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